US Politics: The Redemption Of Regret

I'm not sure how much attention this will grab, but it's astonishing:

President Bush Regrets His Legacy As Man Who Wanted War

Here's a snippet from the article, which is based on an interview with Dubya:

"President Bush has admitted to The Times that his gun-slinging rhetoric made the world believe that he was a “guy really anxious for war” in Iraq. He said that his aim now was to leave his successor a legacy of international diplomacy for tackling Iran.

In an exclusive interview, he expressed regret at the bitter divisions over the war and said that he was troubled about how his country had been misunderstood. 'I think that in retrospect I could have used a different tone, a different rhetoric.' "

Think about this a moment. And let's assume, just for the sake of argument, that the war in Iraq was probably the worst idea ever since someone said: "Humpty Dumpty, take a big jumpy." After all, with hunderds of thousands of Iraqi men, women and children dead, millions displaced and the country's very foundations broken to smithereens, one or two nagging doubts might be order. Especially if the reasons for all this destruction were false to start with.

So, what do you do when your big claim to fame raises a few eyebrows? Why, it's easy. You say: "You're right! I admit it! I should have presented it a bit differently."

And then we can all say: "Well, that's a relief! For a moment there, we really thought something horrible had happened!"

To which you answer: "Haha! Glad we got that sorted. Now let me present a few things with regard to Iran..."

Astonishing, too, is that this tactic hasn't been used more often. On the other hand, perhaps it has been, and the fact that we don't really know about it is because it's just so bloody brilliant.

Who knows, maybe the London police managed to find Jack the Ripper after all. And here's what happened:

Police: "Ho, ho! Wots all this then, eh?"

Jack: "Oh, just a bit o' crumpet I killed, officer! Been doing that now for a while, you know! Great fun!"

Police: "Now that ain't cricket, me young bloody friend! It's the bucket and pail for you!"

Jack: "No, no, no! You don't understand! Look at the writing on the wall! I wrote that before inserting this huge and spiky object up between her filthy little legs and tearing up everything inside!"

Police: "Oh! Well now. Let's have a look at that there writing, then." (Moving to the wall and scratching his beard:) "Err, now - that says: 'I, Jack, do solemnly proclaim my deep' - Wot's that there? - 'my deep regret that any of my actions may be seen as, as' - Wot's that word?"

Jack: "Reprehensible. Good, ain't it? Reprehensible! I looked it up!"

Police (thoughtfully): " '... as reprehensible.' That's nice, that is. Very posh. And then it says: 'I will make everything look nicer next time round.' "

Jack: "And I will! My presentation wasn't good, but I'll do better! I promise!"

Police: "Well! That seems to clear things up nicely, I must say! For a moment there I thought Dasterdly Deeds were afoot! I do apologise, good sir! And I wish you a very good night!"

Jack: "And the same to you, Officer! The same to you!"